Passions and Dreams
by AC1830
Summary: Adam Cartwright and Lotta Crabtree were strangers when her carriage broke down on the Ponderosa, or were they? Based on the episode A Rose for Lotta. Dialogue in the last chapter is from the episode written by David Dortort.


**Passions and Dreams**

 **1847 - Boston**

"Come on Cartwright. You were all fired up to see this show and now you're going to make us late. You know they won't seat anyone after the show starts."

Flustered by having stayed late with a professor, which made him late for dinner and late for getting ready for the show, Adam tried for a third time to get his tie tied.

"Here, let me do that! You're all thumbs tonight." Jackson Pennington stepped in front of Adam and swatted his hands away. His nimble fingers had the tie tied to perfection in a matter of seconds. Spinning around he reached for Adam's jacket and tossed it to him. "When I took it upon myself to show you the ropes around this school, I never figured it would include tying your tie for you."

Adam scowled at this friend as he slipped his jacket on, grabbed his ticket and playfully shoved his friend out the door. "Since we're in such a hurry I suggest you stop chattering and get a move on."

xXxXx

Seated in box seats near the stage the two college friends were joined by four other friends. It was the last performance of Little Nell and the Marchioness, starring Miss Lotta Crabtree. Adam had seen a flyer posted in the common hall at school and wanted badly to see it, as it was a musical based off Charles Dickens' The Olde Curiosity Shop. His problem was he didn't have the money for the ticket. He felt he was lucky enough just to be at the school so was very careful how he spent his money from his father. Jackson had come up behind Adam and quietly mentioned that his father had permanent box seats at the theater and Jackson was allowed to take his friends. Adam's grin reflected Jackson's, and the matter was settled. Now the six friends quieted down as the lights dimmed and the music began.

The show was everything Adam could have imagined. Miss Crabtree, being only sixteen, was perfect for portraying Little Nell. Adam and the other students sat mesmerized through the entire performance as part of Dickens' story was brought to life.

After the show, elite ticket holders were invited to meet Miss Crabtree in a small room backstage. Jackson conveniently failed to mention that part to Adam so he was thrilled at a chance to meet the actress. When Adam introduced himself to her she smiled shyly and proffered her hand. He met her eyes, took her hand and softly kissed the back, all the while never breaking his gaze with her pale green eyes. Miss Crabtree lingered for a moment then turned away to greet other guests. After the other guests had left, Jackson found Adam and Miss Lotta sitting to themselves laughing over some of Lotta's tales of rehearsals. They had been swapping stories for nearly a half hour. Before Jackson could interrupt, an older woman appeared and snatched Lotta away, giving Adam a threatening look if he dared say anything. Lotta mouthed an apology to Adam before she disappeared through a side door.

On the carriage ride back to the dormitory, Jackson could tell that Adam was smitten with the young actress. He nudged his friend in the ribs. "You best lose that moonstruck look. You're just one of hundreds who fall for her charming smile and doe eyes. Besides, isn't she a bit young for you? Well, doesn't matter since you'll never see her again anyway. Tonight was the last performance, or had you forgotten that after you got swept off your feet."

Adam gave a sidelong glance to this friend. "No I hadn't forgotten, Jackson, and she's sixteen. Oh, and I don't think I'm just one of hundreds. She told me it was the first time she had enjoyed a real conversation, and not someone trying to get a date with her. Besides, she's not leaving tomorrow. She has a day off before heading back to New York. I offered to show her around Boston and she accepted." Adam gave his friend a self-satisfied look.

"Suit yourself, but I'd be wary of that woman who took her away tonight. You could be heading for some trouble with her."

"I'll be careful."

After arriving back at the college, the two friends left the carriage and bid each other good night as they entered their dorm lobby. Later Adam took a while to fall asleep as he reclined on his back in bed with his hands behind his head, images of Lotta playing in his head.

xXxXx

Borrowing one of the college's carriages for the day, Adam pulled up in front of Lotta's hotel. Stepping out of the carriage he was about to greet the doorman when Lotta came through the door. Adam's breath caught when she smiled sweetly at him and paused at the top step. Lotta's dark hair fell upon her shoulders in soft waves accenting her white silk blouse with a lace collar and cuffs. Her deep blue silk skirt billowed lightly around her in the gentle breeze. She carried a parasol, gloves and a matching blue jacket.

She paused long enough to speak to the doorman, giving Adam a moment to admire her beauty. "When my mother returns please tell her I'm out with a friend and I'll be back by dinner time." The doorman nodded once and watched her enter the carriage with the young man. He sighed, knowing Missus Crabtree would not be pleased at all.

Once underway, Lotta looped her arm around Adam's and asked quietly, "What have you got planned for us today, Adam?"

Adam was caught off guard by Lotta's closeness but soon recaptured his confidence, "We'll drive around for a bit and I'll show you some sights, then we'll stop for a picnic at a park. After that, you can tell me what you'd like to do for the rest of your day off." He smiled warmly at her upturned face, the horses carrying on a soft clip-clop over the cobblestone street.

Lotta settled in beside Adam and smoothed down her skirt. "I think it all sounds divine."

The morning progressed well and Lotta enjoyed seeing the historical parts of the city and the campus where Adam attended college. For their picnic, Adam had chosen a quiet park with some secluded areas. He didn't want their time together to be interrupted by fans.

During lunch the couple talked of many things, Adam's family and his dreams of designing buildings, her dreams of stardom and how she started in show business at a young age. "You see Adam, that lady from last night is my mother, and my agent. I'm afraid she keeps a tight rein on me. I have a regular daily schedule I follow. That's why a day like this is so special." She shifted to sit closer to Adam. "My mother would be mortified to know I was with a young man, unchaperoned, who is barely two years older than me." She brushed the back of his hand lightly with her finger tips.

Adam didn't move his hand, enjoying her ministrations, but it made it difficult to be practical. "I should have spoken to her first. That would have been the proper thing to do."

"Yes, I should have let you but I knew she would say no. Adam, I didn't want anything to ruin this day for me. Mother only sees me as a performer, and she doesn't understand that I would like to be around people my age and with my interests." She worked her fingers up his arm as Adam's face drew closer to hers. Her lips were warm and soft against his causing both to linger much too long. Breaking apart breathlessly, Adam reach up to stroke Lotta's dark hair. She cast her eyes downward until she felt Adam's fingers gently lift her chin upward. She met his waiting lips again, this time their bodies drew as close as their lips.

Adam drew back and pulled a book of poems from the picnic basket.

"Adam, why did you stop?" Lotta leaned closer, her breath a whisper against his cheek.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone that far. I should be protecting your reputation. Let me read something to you."

Lotta pouted as she sat back against a tree. Once Adam began reading she lost herself in his soft voice and the words of the poem.

"You read so beautifully, Adam. Tell me, what was the poet trying to say?"

"He was saying that one can be passionate about anything and that's what can make dreams come true, but sometimes passion can get out of hand, become dangerous." His voice trailed off allowing the thought to linger.

Lotta stared into the distance then turned gentle eyes toward Adam. "What you are saying is that there is some passion that needs a tighter rein, hmm?" She trailed her fingers up his arm and over to his cheek before tapping his nose.

"Um, yes, I guess so."

Lotta let out a musical laugh. "Then perhaps we should continue with the poetry."

Adam smiled and found another poem to read. The couple spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the park and discussing poetry and Shakespeare.

xXxXx

As the evening light faded to dusk, Adam pulled the carriage to a stop in front of Lotta's hotel. He was reluctant to say goodbye and as he turned to say the words, he saw the same feelings reflected in Lotta's darkened eyes.

She proffered her hand to him which he took gently in his. "I had a wonderful time today Adam. You are a most…. talented... host. I shall miss you, of that you can be sure."

Adam softly kissed her hand and looked into her eyes. His voice was low and husky. "I am pleased you had the day you had dreamed of my lady." They remained still a moment longer, savoring the memories of their day together.

Adam then slowly stepped out of the carriage and moved to the other side to assist Miss Lotta. Their bodies touched for the briefest of moments then she was gone, disappearing through the ornate glass doors of the hotel.

Adam returned to the carriage and flicked the reins. His thoughts swirled around the images of Lotta's graceful beauty and their day together, wondering at how such a brief encounter could ignite such passions. From a parlor window, Lotta's sad eyes followed him down the street. Warmed by her memories of a dream come true they grew sad that she would never see this young man again.

 **1857 - San Francisco**

Lotta Crabtree sang and danced to a sold out crowd, as it had been for the last two nights. She moved seductively around the stage playing into the desirous looks of the gentlemen in the audience. The final act was always a crowd pleaser with the passion and exhilaration of the audience buoying her on to a resounding finale. Holding her final pose, she basked in the applause and the flowers being tossed onto the stage. One such bouquet slid straight to her feet. She bent gracefully to pick it up and caught the eye of a handsome, dark haired gentleman seated in the front row. Her smile faltered for a split second as his dimpled smile reawakened a distant memory. Slightly shaken, she broke the connection, waved to the audience and disappeared behind the closing curtains.

Retreating to the sanctity of her dressing room Lotta leaned against the closed door. Surprised by her rapid breathing, she realized it was not from the performance but due to the man whose bouquet of roses she now held. Laying the flowers on the coffee table she quickly changed into more comfortable attire. The white lace dress felt soft and comforting under a dark green silk floor-length jacket. She released her dark hair from their pins and slowly brushed out the long tresses. Lost in thought and having forgotten about the roses, she jumped at a quiet knock on her door.

Expecting the stage manager, who usually announced when her carriage had arrived to take her back to her hotel, she opened the door and froze, her eyes wide.

"Hello, Lotta." The man's soft smile lit up his hazel eyes, highlighting his attractive face. "It's good to see you again. May I come in?"

"Of...of course. Please." She moved into the room and quickly picked up the roses. "Thank you for these. They're beautiful." She sniffed the flowers' fragrance in an attempt to gather her thoughts which were running wild in her head. "Adam, it's good to see you again but I have to admit I never expected it."

Adam tipped his head in acknowledgement as he quietly closed the door.

"How did you get by Phillip? He's under strict orders not to let anyone back here."

"I can be rather persuasive." Adam replied, giving her a wink. "Don't worry, he's still a good guard."

Lotta turned her back on him, not trusting all the different emotions running through her at the moment. When she spoke she tried to keep her tone neutral. "It's been a long time, Adam. You've changed quite a bit."

"Ten years. And you've changed too." He stepped closer to reach for her and turn her around. "You're more beautiful and if it's even possible, more talented." Adam's eyes slowly roamed over Lotta's face taking in her soft green eyes, her ivory skin, her plump red lips. Being this close brought back memories of their first encounter.

Lotta took a step back, having him that close to her ignited feelings she thought were long buried. "Have a seat while I put these in water and get us something to drink."

"I'd rather take you to dinner." His voice was smooth as silk and his dimples were peeking out.

Struck once again by his handsome features, Lotta knew she couldn't say no. She liked the idea of spending more time with Adam so she stood taller and cocked her head at him. "I'd like that but how about dinner in my suite instead? If we go to a restaurant it won't be very private. I'm afraid we'll be bombarded by well-meaning fans."

Adam lowered his head a bit as he scratched behind his ear. "You do seem to have a larger following than I recall from the last time we met. Alright, your suite then, but won't your, um, agent object?"

"My mother isn't here. She's on her way to Denver to prepare for my arrival there in two weeks."

"Very well then. I have a carriage waiting outside."

"Alright. Give me a moment to pack my things."

Adam leaned against the door and watched as Lotta flitted around the room gathering small items to take with her. When she turned back around, her bag in one hand and the roses in the crook of the other arm, he couldn't help but be moved by how the years had added to her beauty. He bowed low before opening the door and putting on his hat.

"Your carriage awaits, milady."

Lotta, with her head held high and a spark in her eye, stepped past him. Adam closed the door quietly then reached for her bag and took her arm in his. Together they left the theater, no one the wiser, except the stage manager.

xXxXx

When dinner arrived it was nearly nine-thirty. The couple sat at the table, laden with fine china and two candles, enjoying Ratatouille and Tapenade Chicken paired with a French white wine. After dinner they moved to the sofa to enjoy a light dessert of Strawberry Trifles and coffee by the fire. Adam shared how much he enjoyed strawberries making Lotta blush with pleasure at her choice of desserts. Now relaxed with one another, they finished discussing the last ten years.

"So you've become a rancher, much as you said you would Adam. Have you given up on using your college degree?" Lotta finished her dessert and set the glass dish on the table.

"No, I've been using it. I was able to make many improvements to our home and we built some new outbuildings - barns and a bunkhouse. There are more changes I'd like to make but Pa doesn't accept change very well so I have to take it slow." Adam smirked as he sipped his coffee.

Settling in to the corner of the sofa, Lotta tipped her head and looked straight at Adam with serious eyes. "Tell me, why are you in San Francisco?"

Adam was puzzled by Lotta's sudden directness but chose to ignore it. "I arrived yesterday so I could see your performance this evening. On Monday I begin contract negotiations with several restaurants and businessmen to see if we can begin selling Ponderosa beef in the city."

"So I'm not the only reason you're here," she smiled playfully at him.

"I did say I made sure I got to see one of your performances. I didn't know if I would have time to see any next week as some of the meetings are in the evening over dinner." Adam set his coffee cup down on the side table and shifted closer to Lotta. "When will you be leaving for Denver?"

"In exactly fifteen days. I have a two week engagement there, then Mother and I will go to Kansas City."

"Hmm… sounds like you're making your way back to the East coast."

She sighed and rose to pour both of them some of the remaining wine. "Yes, I have several obligations over the next few months from New York down to Charleston."

"Do you ever take a break, I mean longer than a day or so?" Accepting the wine glass from Lotta as she sat next to him, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and inhaled the scent of lilacs from her hair.

"This engagement is my calmest one. I have the days free and a couple of the evenings. I'm a professional now Adam. I have to plan around my rehearsal and performance schedule. That doesn't leave much time for...other activities."

As that last thought hung in the air, Adam stared into the fire as he gently ran his fingers through Lotta's soft hair. She leaned into his caresses and closed her eyes, letting the warmth of his closeness overtake her. All conflicts began to melt away as the two shared a peaceful time by the fire sipping wine.

xXxXx

As the clock on the mantle struck midnight, Adam set his wine glass down on the end table and leaned back into the soft cushions of the sofa. Lotta shifted her position to lean against his chest.

"I enjoyed your company for dinner tonight, Adam."

"And I yours." Adam slowly ran his fingers up and down her arm.

"I'd guess we've pretty much covered the past ten years." Lotta drew soft circles over the back of Adam's other hand that was trapped between the sofa and her body.

"Mm-hmm."

"I suppose you need to leave. Don't you have a business meeting tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow's Saturday. My meetings begin on Monday."

She sat up and looked him straight in the eye. The message was unmistakable so she rose, pulling Adam with her. Before she took two steps, he stepped in front of her and with a single finger tipped her chin upward. Leaning in he brushed his lips over hers, touched them lightly and after receiving a response, pressed more firmly. As they kissed, he felt her hands slide up his back as his hands moved around her waist, their bodies coming closer until they were pressed together as firmly as their lips. Adam tilted his head, breaking the kiss, and began trailing light kisses down her neck. Lotta responded by entangling her long fingers in the waves of his dark hair.

After another moment her hands found their way to his chest and she began unbuttoning his shirt, his tie and jacket having been discarded after dinner. Adam stepped back and gently took her hands in his.

"Not here," he whispered as he led her into the bedroom. Once there, the couple took their time removing all the entrapments that kept them apart, then they took their time finding many ways to share the passions they had held back for so many years.

As the night hours drifted by, the couple slept, Lotta cradled in Adam's arms. The rising sun stretched its warm tendrils of light across the room, reaching the lovers and gently bringing them to wakefulness.

Adam lightly kissed the top of Lotta's head, inhaling her soft scent. He felt her body rise and fall as she sighed, contented to be in his arms.

"Good morning." Adam's fingers lightly caressed Lotta's arm.

Another contented sigh, then she twisted to smile at him. His eyes were full of love. She rested her head on his chest to hear his heart beating, and began to draw delicate swirls through his dark chest hairs.

Noticing how bright the room was Adam made an observation as he ran his fingers up and down her back, "I suppose it's too late for breakfast, that is if you're hungry."

Lotta felt Adam's chest vibrate as he spoke. She propped herself up on one arm and peered at him with an impish expression. "As a matter of fact, I can order breakfast at any time." She slipped from between the sheets and tugged on a strip of velvet hanging on the wall which rang a small bell.

Adam watched every move of her lithe body, his dark brows rising when she returned to his side. "The benefits of being a star. Someone will be here in about half an hour. I suggest we make ourselves presentable."

"You're already presentable to me." Adam pulled her down on top of himself and kissed her passionately.

Giving in for a moment she returned the kiss then pushed away and left him staring after her.

Heading into the dressing room, she called back to him. "There's an extra robe in the wardrobe. I suggest you make use of it….for now." He smiled as her last words faded when the door closed.

XXxXx

The previous evening and breakfast the next morning were only the beginning of their time together in San Francisco. Adam was supposed to stay a week but he found an excuse his father would believe so he could stay until Lotta left for Denver. Between Lotta's performances and Adam's business meetings, the couple still managed to find plenty of opportunities to be together.

They went to other theater shows, took picnics in the park, and woke up many mornings together. Adam's negotiations went very well with three restaurants signing contracts and two more ready to do so before he left for home. The extra days gave him time to pursue other prospects for the beef. He knew his father would be pleased, despite his delay in returning home.

As their time together grew shorter, Lotta became more distant and Adam sensed it was her departure that had her in turmoil. Over dinner the evening before they were to bid each other farewell, Adam broached the subject with an idea.

"Lotta," he reached for her hand across the table, "I know your departure tomorrow is weighing heavy on us of both. I have an idea that might fix that."

Lotta studied Adam's face but could not discern what he had in mind. Whenever they were together she could always tell if they were thinking the same thing but not this time.

Adam continued when she didn't respond, "I would like to meet you in Denver."

"No Adam, that would only make things more difficult. My mother will be there the entire time so I won't have a free moment to get away. Also, that would mean having to say goodbye a second time." Lotta looked out the window near their table. Seagulls flew wildly around the fishing boats in the bay.

"I understand what you're saying but hear me out. My father's been wanting to see if we can set up any contracts for beef in Denver. Not just for the Ponderosa but for the other ranchers around Virginia City. I'm sure I can talk him into letting me make the trip, especially after he sees what lucrative contracts I was able to negotiate here. What do you say to extending our time together?"

Lotta remained silent but her face betrayed her. She was torn by the offer. Before anymore could be said their waiter arrived to take their order for dessert. Both declined so Adam paid the check and escorted Lotta out of the restaurant. It was still early, about two hours before Lotta's final performance so they agreed to walk to the theater instead of taking the carriage. After escorting her inside to her dressing room and leaving her with a gentle kiss, Adam headed back to his hotel to hold a final meeting with two clients who were ready to sign contracts for Ponderosa beef.

When Lotta checked out of her hotel the next morning, Adam was there to help her into her carriage. They had agreed not to spend that last night together but she couldn't prevent him from showing up that morning. Adam kept his emotions in check as he noticed Lotta was struggling to control hers. The final farewell was cool between them but both could tell from each other's eyes that there was a lot that remained unspoken. Adam took her hand in his and kissed the back of it, then kissed her on the cheek. He whispered that he loved her. Lotta pulled back at his words, smiled slightly, then boarded the carriage. The driver left in a hurry, leaving Adam alone on the sidewalk, watching the vehicle until it turned a corner and disappeared. His heart wrenched in two as he became more determined to see her in Denver.

 **1857 - Denver**

Denver turned out to be much larger than Adam expected. As the stagecoach pulled into the station he and Ben were both taken aback by the hustle and bustle of the Western city. After checking into their hotel, Ben and Adam cleaned up and went in search of a hearty meal and some evening entertainment.

As they strolled down the boardwalk, Adam mused about how difficult it had been to convince his father to head to Denver so soon after San Francisco. Along the journey, Ben finally surmised there was more to the trip than Adam had let on. Late one evening, at a way station, Adam finally confessed that he and Lotta Crabtree had met years before in Boston then had rekindled that friendship in San Francisco. Ben was not too pleased about Adam's deception concerning that trip but he overlooked it as it had brought in some good money for the ranch. He could tell by the way he spoke that Adam had become smitten with Lotta. Adam confided that this was the last chance to see her and find out if there could be any future for them.

Adam knew they only had a week to find her before she left for Kansas City. Late one morning, between business meetings, Adam discovered where Lotta was performing. He purchased tickets for himself and Ben for that night's event. That evening, father and son found their seats and settled in for a stellar performance by Miss Lotta Crabtree.

As soon as Lotta disappeared behind the curtain at the end of the performance, Adam headed backstage with Ben close behind.

Two burly men were already stopping other men from getting to Lotta so Adam led Ben around the crowd by way of some back hallways. He finally found her dressing room and knocked. Before she could answer, one of the stage guards discovered them and threatened to call the police if they didn't leave. Adam stood his ground but the man bodily yanked him away from the door. At that moment, Lotta's door opened and she called out to the men, "Leave them alone. They may come in but no one else." Her dark look was all the man needed to release Adam and stand aside. Once the "guests" entered Lotta's dressing room, the guard placed himself a few feet from the door, ready to assist Miss Lotta if the need arose.

Inside the room, Lotta didn't lose her dark expression. She glowered at Adam and spoke in low tones. "What are you doing here? I told you not to come. My mother will be back momentarily and you better not be here when she arrives."

"Lotta listen to me for a moment, please. If you could calm down I'd like to introduce you to my father, Benjamin Cartwright."

Lotta took a deep, calming breath. She held out her hand to Ben. "Mister Cartwright, it's a pleasure to meet you." She flicked her eyes toward Adam then smiled charmingly at Ben as he took her hand and kissed the back of it. "I see now from whom Adam got his good looks and gentlemanly manners." She invited them both to sit as she poured some champagne.

Ben was a bit overwhelmed by Lotta's sudden change in demeanor but he noticed Adam was not fooled by it at all. He thought it best to excuse himself and let the couple talk freely.

"Please excuse my abrupt departure, Miss Crabtree. It was a pleasure to meet you but I have need to return to our hotel for a late meeting. Adam, I'll see you there later?" Adam inclined his head and Ben quickly left the room. Outside he saw a woman about his age heading toward the room. He intercepted her and, pouring on the Cartwright charm, led her away to another room for a discussion about the performance.

Inside Lotta's room the air was thick with emotions. Lotta began to pace but Adam quickly took her by the arms and just held her. She collapsed into his arms at that point, letting the last of her guard down with him.

"Adam, this is what I wanted to avoid. All the emotions of seeing you again and feeling your arms around me. Oh, how could you do this to me? Saying goodbye in San Francisco was hard enough but now I have to do it all over again."

Still holding her tightly, Adam let her get all her thoughts outs, then he spoke in a quiet voice, "I had to come, Lotta. I wanted to know if we could have any future together. I love you and I know you love me. What do you say to getting out of here and talking about it somewhere more private?"

Lotta pushed away from Adam's embrace and looked into his eyes. There was a sadness in them that she understood, but she also saw a desperation. Her mind raced to say no but her heart won out. "Alright. Let me change first. I know a back way out. Where will we go?"

"I have a place in mind, if you trust me."

Lotta paused long enough to respond with a wicked smile, "Of course I do."

Half an hour later, while a couple stole away through the shadows of Denver, Missus Mary Ann Crabtree was saying farewell to the gracious, silver-haired gentleman, and would soon find the note her daughter left for her, explaining that she was with a friend and would return in the morning. Lotta's mother was not pleased in the least but knew there was little she could do at the moment. Ben returned to his hotel to find Adam missing. He too was not pleased and would make sure his son knew it in the morning.

In a small, but well-kept hotel, the couple talked long into the night. Through tears and frustrations both came to realize that Adam belonged on the Ponderosa and Lotta belonged on the stage. There was no way for the two lovers to make their lives fit together. Once all was finally settled, they gave into their passions once more. It was one of the most loving times they had shared together.

The next morning, Adam awoke alone to a sunny room. A note lay on the pillow beside him. He pushed himself up to sit against the headboard and read the last words he would get from Lotta Crabtree.

 _My dearest love,_

 _You now know that I truly love you but we must leave it at that. You and I live in two different worlds and can never be together as we so strongly desire. All of our times together will be held in warmth and love within my heart. I hope that will be the same for you. I won't go down the path of 'if only', as that will not solve anything. It is what is meant to be, my love._

 _It is with a great deal of love and sadness that I say farewell to you. After my tours along the East coast, I will be sailing to Europe. We may never see each other again but you will always be in my heart._

 _Yours forever,_

 _Lotta_

Adam could sense the familiar smell of lilacs in the paper. Numb and not ready to deal with what had just happened, he remained in bed for quite a while before finally getting up, dressing and leaving the hotel. Closing the door to the room, he also closed the door to his heart as he headed back into his life as a rancher.

 **1859 - Virginia City ***

It began with her arrival in Virginia City. Lotta Crabtree was scheduled for a brief stop in the small mining town on her way to Sacramento and San Francisco. Knowing the significance of the location she was concerned about a chance meeting and hoped it would be avoided. However, there was different meeting that set events in motion which sent her well-organized life spiraling out of control. The mine owners offered her a lot of money to ride around in the mountains and to lure a young man from the family who owned the land back to town. Easy enough, she thought, as she accepted the offer.

What she didn't realize was that she was about to meet someone whom she had hoped to never see again.

 _She had been enjoying the gentle ride through the forested hills when suddenly the driver took off in a panic. Not knowing what had happened she hung on for dear life. It had been a couple of minutes of wild riding through the countryside. After the wheel broke from the carriage and it came to a bumpy stop, she heard sounds of horses and voices of two men arguing with her driver. One of the voices sounded familiar but before she could identify it a gun was fired. Realizing the second man was becoming more threatening to her driver, Lotta decided to get involved._

" _Don't you kowtow to him driver, unless you want to answer to me!"*_

 _As Ben Cartwright and his boys looked toward the passenger compartment the window shade snapped up and a lovely, dark haired woman appeared. She glared at each man present then stepped out of the carriage. Recognizing one of them she pushed down her feelings and decided the best defense would be a good offense. She continued her rant toward the men before her._

" _The idea! The very idea of shooting at innocent, unarmed people and in broad daylight. If I'd realized this is the way they treat people in Virginia City, I never would have come here."_

 _Ben glared at the young woman, "Well, this is not Virginia City ma'am. You're on the Ponderosa."_

" _The Ponderosa. What's that?"_

 _The driver spoke up, "The Ponderosa ma'am. That's the home place of the Cartwrights. They got just about the biggest spread in the country."*_

 _Hearing the family name put Lotta on edge. An undercurrent of awakened emotions fueled her temper more toward being held up by these men. She demanded that the big man put his long weapon away, then complained to the young one about eyeing her like he'd never seen a lady before. Finally, she had no choice but to address the dark man in the middle._

" _You're still pointing that gun at me, you know."_

" _I might still intend to use it." His voice was smooth as silk causing the lady to wonder if there was another meaning behind those words._

" _Put it away son. Maybe they really did lose their way."_

 _Adam smoothly slid his pistol back into its holder and draped his arms over his saddle horn, never taking his eyes off the lady. "Well, as long as they get off the Ponderosa."_

 _The lady closed the carriage door and looked at the empty axle, then turned a sardonic eye toward Adam. "It appears we're going to need some help if you expect us to honor that request."*_

 _While Hoss immediately volunteered to assist with repairing the carriage, Ben asked Little Joe to escort the lady up to the house for a cool drink._

" _The lady happens to have a name, gentlemen. Miss Lotta Crabtree." Lotta announced quietly._

 _Joe and Hoss showed their surprise and pleasure at being in the presence of the famous actress. Joe smoothly dismounted his horse in order to assist Miss Crabtree into the saddle but Adam swooped in effectively blocking his younger brother. Rather unnerved by Adam's intense gaze and close presence, Lotta made brief eye contact before allowing Adam to lift her into the saddle. She also noticed Adam's father who had a reflective smile while watching the exchange between the two and as Adam touched his hat to her as she and Joe rode away._

When Lotta returned to town and she found a note asking her to meet with the business men again. This time they offered her more money if she would detain Little Joe Cartwright in her room after her performance. She grew nervous around them but agreed to do their bidding as long as they promised Joe would not be harmed. She considered herself to be an intelligent woman so how could she have been so fooled by those business men. A game, a lark, no! She was putting Adam's brother in danger because of her own lust for money and all that it afforded her. After her conversation with Little Joe that evening after her performance, Lotta realized she had lost sight of what was important in her life.

She nearly panicked that night when she saw two men heading to the hotel, knowing full well they were coming for her visitor, Little Joe Cartwright. After the fight and Joe's escape she determined to make things right but then Adam appeared and she found herself facing someone she knew intimately, yet had never met before.

" _Good evening, Miss Crabtree."*_

" _Adam… oh, I am so happy to see you." She tried her best to break through his coldness and anger._

" _Are you? Where's my brother?"_

" _He was here. I'm sorry Adam, I didn't think this was going to happen?" As she turned away Adam grabbed her arm. Her apology didn't appease him._

" _What you thought or think doesn't interest me Miss Crabtree."_

 _Lotta struggled to get out of Adam's tight grip. "You're hurting my arm!"_

" _I'll break it! Where's the kid!"_

" _You don't understand."_

" _Understand what?" Adam hissed, "You and Alpheus Troy?"_

 _Lotta crossed the room after Adam released her. She had to find another way to get him to see her position. His dark eyes created a wall between them. The only thing she could do was tell him the truth._

" _You don't think much of me do you?"_

" _On the contrary," Adam snapped, slowly advancing toward her, "I think you did your job beautifully. It's not everyone who can lure a young fool kid to his death."_

" _That isn't true. I didn't know they wanted to hurt him. They said it would be a little trick, a sort of a game. Could I up go into the mountains and make one you follow me back to town."_

" _For how much money?" Adam was growing angrier by the minute, making Lotta become more frustrated and stubborn._

" _Money didn't have anything to do with it. Didn't you hear me just say it was a little game, a sort of a lark?"_

" _Oh I heard you. It doesn't mean I have to believe you."_

" _Oh!" How dare he! They were arguing over a young man's safety, but their past was also rising up, fueling their emotions. His insinuations stung. Lotta brought up her hand to slap him._

 _Adam's quick reflexes caught her hand before it found its target. He held her wrist tightly._

 _Lotta fumed at him. "Let go of me. Get your hands off me!"_

 _Adam pivoted his arm drawing her very close until their faces were inches apart. His smoldering eyes roamed over her before he spoke in a low, cold voice, "Next time Miss Crabtree, pick on a man….not a boy."_

 _He released her wrist and gave her one last dark look before leaving the room to continue the search for his brother. Shaken to her core Lotta rubbed her sore wrist, unsure what to do next._

With a sudden need to move Lotta circled her room trying to avoid the overturned furniture. She realized she had never seen Adam angry before but that….cold expression he had told her she had crossed a line. She had endangered one of his family. Now she felt like she'd lost it all. Had she really so frivolously thrown it all away?

That awful truth had begun to creep in as the night wore on. She started to extinguish the lamps in the damaged room, when Joe suddenly reappeared and asked her most graciously to have dinner with him at that French Cafe he'd mentioned earlier. She was shocked to see him all in one piece but then her relief took over.

Lotta hesitated briefly, afraid to have anything more to do with the Cartwright family, but reconsidered when she thought perhaps this would be a way to make amends with the whole family. She gladly accepted his invitation, changed her clothes and left the damaged room and fears of a broken friendship behind. She and Joe chatted amicably as they strolled across the street, he filling her in on his escapades over the last hour or so.

 _The Cafe owner was more than happy to provide a simple meal for the couple after Joe handed him a couple of bills. Once the meal was served the man began playing the harmonica. Joe stood and asked Lotta to dance._

 _Lotta was finally relaxing and beginning to think things could get better when a thunderous voice came from nowhere._

" _You...you scamp! Is this what you've been doing all night?"*_

" _All night, Pa? I, uh, I thought I was just gettin' started."_

 _Lotta brought her hand up to Joe. "It was a great pleasure, Mister Cartwright."_

 _Joe leaned down to kiss it but…_

" _Out, out you little rapscallion, before I… before I skin ya alive!"_

 _Joe quickly kissed Lotta's hand and scooted through the doorway, squeezing between his Pa and Hoss._

 _At that moment, Lotta locked eyes with Adam. His fiery anger was gone, replaced by something she couldn't determine. It was too much for her to hope this was the Adam she had loved for so long. Ben smiled softly when Hoss nudged Adam into the room as father and son retreated to the street._

 _Adam slowly strolled over to Lotta, neither breaking contact with their eyes. Lotta dipped her head demurely, her green eyes trying to judge Adam's thoughts as he removed his hat. He stopped close to her and shifted his eyes to the floor before looking back at her._

" _Lotta, I…."_

" _I know…."_

" _Do you?"_

 _His right hand nestled her elbow as his left hand reached to turn her toward him. No words were needed now as their hearts beat as one once more. She could see the truth in his eyes, she was forgiven, their love was intact. Sensing his desire, Lotta closed her eyes, leaned toward him and felt his warm, open lips envelope her closed ones._

 _Adam kissed her with restrained passion. Although she didn't respond in kind, Adam knew differently what was in her heart. He could feel it pulsating through her body when they kissed. The passion was still there for both of them and he had let her know he knew she felt it too. Adam sensed Lotta was waiting for more but this time it was he who chose to walk away._

 _Lotta watched him leave, a sly, understanding smile breaking across her face. She stepped to the doorway just as he mounted up on his horse. Giving him a bright, lingering smile made Adam smile and tip his hat to her before he rode away. Lotta knew they had reached an understanding that encompassed not only the recent events but their entire relationship._

 _She knew he would never be out of her life or her heart ever again._

The next evening Lotta gave her final performance in Virginia City. Despite the small theater being filled beyond capacity, Lotta was able to distinguish four very handsome gentleman sitting near the stage. After the final act and two more curtain calls, she finally made it back to her hotel room. The manager had been gracious to give her a new suite, one which was larger with a sitting room separate from the bedroom.

Hours later unable to sleep, Lotta stood near the unused fireplace as flames from the low lamps created dancing shadows on the wall. The softness of her satin gown and robe helped ease her tensions. Her face relaxed from a frown to a soft smile as she sipped from her glass of champagne. After taking time to ponder the recent events, she had finally come to terms with what had happened. But it was knowing she and Adam had each come to fully accept their love for each other, despite having different lives, that made the events more acceptable. She closed her eyes as the last of the bubbly drink slid down her throat.

Warm hands slid over her satin gown and around her waist, gently pulling her backwards. She gasped for a second then relaxed against the broad chest, feeling it's warmth seep through her robe. Soft kisses were trailed down her neck before she turned in her lover's arms.

"I missed you," he whispered against her neck.

Her green eyes roamed over his bare chest before meeting his amber eyes, revealing their souls.

"Is everything all settled? You're at peace now?" He continued to kiss her neck and shoulders between words.

"I'm at peace, now and forever." She melted into his arms, tilting her head to receive his passionate kiss.

Adam gently lifted Lotta into his arms and carried her back to the bedroom. During the day they belonged to other lives but night time was theirs alone. A quiet giggle followed a deep chuckle as the lovers began to celebrate their love for each other.

*A/N - Scenes are excerpts taken from the episode A Rose for Lotta, written by David Dortort.


End file.
